So I had this huge post that pretty much recapped my life up to this point. After reviewing it, it was interesting to see details of my life in writing. Looking back I can see how different events and struggle in my life has made me the person I am today. However after looking at it, I felt it had such a negative view. The entire post was about the struggles of my life. Although those struggles are what molded me to who I am today, it is not who I am. So lets do a quick recap...
My life hasn't been easy, being the youngest of 4 kids I wanted attention and I wanted people to like me but being a big girl, who talked too much, I didn't fit in in school. I felt I was never smart enough, pretty enough or talented enough to fit in. I went though depression, anxiety, and for 5 years I coped with the feelings of rejection by cutting myself. My first serous relationship turned out to be with an emotionally abusive man and struggled to get my life back on track when the relationship ended. There are so many more struggles, stories, obstacles and memories I could say but like I said before, I want this to be positive.
Ok so enough of the crap in my life... Looking back at the last 29 years of my life I see the struggles but I see the triumph. Through the years of comparing myself to my siblings, I realized I was fighting a losing battle. Each of us have different talents and abilities and since they are all older than me that had more practice time. As much as I felt like an outcast, and can recall people, places and hurtful words spoken to me, school was only for a small portion of my life. I am grateful that I was able to graduate school, and lets face I, even though it sucked for me, I obviously learned stuff since I am writing this blog and I feel I do well with grammar and such. Having a bad relationship taught me what I didn't want in my future spouse and relearning who I was after the end of the relationship helped me gain confidence in myself.
I have a pretty awesome life. My husband is everything I needed but nothing I was looking for. He is a Godly man, who tells me I am beautiful everyday, sings me silly songs he makes up, make me laugh and encourages me to be a better person. I have an amazing family who loves and supports us. Both my family and my in-laws love and accept me unconditionally. My job, as much as it stresses me, reminds me how smart I really am and that I am an asset. Although I still struggle sometimes with depression and anxiety I am learning that the biggest person judging me in my life is me and people generally don't care as much as I think. I have begun to try and reach out and meet new people who will be a positive influence in my life and weed out those who don't.
So 29 years of my life has been a struggle, and I have learned a ton, but I am excited about the next phase in my life. I look forward to gleaning off the last 29 years of mistakes, and successes and improving my life to be the best Emily I can be!
